The Beginning of How I Got Infected The Silence is Broken

My name is Dwayne Allen Bourque

09/21/1975
I was not sure where to put this but I think it will let you know how I was the start of being homeless.You know the tween year between 12 and 13.I was a typical boy.I was never good in school and was giving my grandmother so many problems she contacted my daddy which was living in Singapore with his wife and my half sister.He showed up and I had to have all the shots to go over seas.So I went to live with them which was not the best idea.My dad wanted me to do well in school so he enrolled me in a private school with the same results as when I went the school in the US.So after a year and two weeks we moved back to the US and me and my dad and stepmother were fighting all the time.So me and my dad a all out fight and he kicked me out at 14.I don,t know what it was with me Dad resenting me and now I feel that my Mom also resents me.I am their child I had nothing to do with what happened in their lives when me and my brothers were young.I sometime wonder if I was not a planned pregnancy.


09/21/1962 to 09/21/1978
When I was young about two years old my Mom and Dad separated.She took my older brother and newborn younger brother and moved to south of Baton Rouge.I know what the next question why did i not go with my mom.Well I was real sick and my Aunt and Uncle took me away from my mom.So from 2 to 4 did not see my mom.Her and her new husband came for my 4th birthday party and did not see them again until I was 16.When I have something on mind I tend to go full tilt.I did the detective thing found out where she lived and and the day of my 16th birthday bought a round trip bus ticket to Baton Rouge.My family that raised me was very mad.But found a way to the bus station and was on my way.I get to the bus station in Baton Rouge with a Phone Number and a Name.I was not sure if these were any good.Made the call and a man answered the phone and I asked for my mom by her full maiden name.He said Hold on and she came on the phone and the only words that would come out was Mom I am at the Bus Station there was a pause as she looked in the living room where my two brothers were.Then I said my name is Dwayne.She said they were on there way.They lived 45 minutes outside of Baton Rouge.That was the longest 45 minutes of my life.Did not know who I was looking for.But when the door opened and my Mom and two brothers walked in I knew.This is the short version the next two weeks were the happiest that I have ever remember in my life.Then after Job Corps visited again and one more time at 17.Have not seen my Mom since.My younger brother yes older brother a few times.

The year is 1978-1979
I was 16 and was talked into going into Job Corps.I was there for 8 months for school.Classes I took were GED and Baking.Baking was supposed to be a 2 year course.But I excelled at ever thing that I try back then.In three months I had finished the GED course.I was in a dorm with 99 other students.We as a dorm would wake up at 6am and clean from top to bottom Monday to Friday.We were judged on performance and did well.There was a Dorm called The Honor Dorm if one did well you were allowed to move were you had only 4 room mates and a lot more privacy.I was invited to the Honor Dorm after 7 months.On the 8th month there I was finished with the Baking Course also.I had packed all my stuff and was to Graduate that day and then be on a  Greyhound that afternoon.But since I was still a minor they contact my grandmother and she told them to keep me for another trade.When I heard this I was Heartbroken.Me and a roommate were outside with all my stuff and here comes the Van to bring me to the Bus Station.We told the driver that things had change he said I was on his list and to load up.He dropped me at the station with my bus ticket.I was halfway to Lafayette when they found out.Grandma was not happy.

The year is 1980
This is the story of how and when I became infected with the HIV virus.We have to go back to when I was discharged from active duty in the Army.I was 17 years old and just found out on my discharge paper said that I had no rewards.I was17 years old and I personally did better than the older guys in my platoon.I had a contract with Army that they did not hold up there part.You know I really enjoyed going though basis training.I followed ever order given to the letter.Until it came to a time they said we are going to transfer you to another unit I said nothing but yes sir.Three weeks later I was transferred from Fort Gordon GA to Fort Benning GA and was told I would have to start Basic training all over again.Up to that point I never question a order.And now that I have my discharge papers it basically says that I did not Graduate with my Platoon.Trust me when I say the stuff I told them they could do would make a sailor blush.The papers that I had stated that I was to be responsible for my clothing but guess what they took everything from me before I left.I get this one from one of my favorite TV show if it don,t make sense it ain't true.

The year is late 1980
I came home and basically was homeless for the next 8 years don,t get me wrong I had a roof over my head.I was living in my Grandparents old house that was used for storage.It had no running water no electricity it was rat infested it leaked in almost all the house but one room.I worked when I could had no transportation besides a bike.I lived out in the country 8 miles form the nearest place to work.You try to ride 8 miles work 8 hours and have to ride 8 miles home.Summer times were good because I would mow yards to buy food.I ate so much Tuna fish,Peanut Butter and any thing that did not need to be refrigerated.

The year is 1976 to 1981
I was not like a normal kid from 14 to 21 had a old man paying me to give me BJ,s.I know what you are thinking pedophile but if it were not for him I would probably not had money for food.That was the only sexual encounter that I ever had till I was 19 and this man offered money.I am not ashamed of what I did. The only problem is that 2 encounters that I had is when I got infected.I did ever thing.The first is the guy that picked me up and payed me to have sex the second happened not to long after the first.Me and a friend worked for the Circus when it was in town.What did not know was my friend that said he had no place to stay was only 15 years old.The day before we worked at the circus I had a tooth pulled.Me and Todd meet at the mall and became friends and it him that told me about the job at the Circus.So when the Circus finished in Lafayette their next stop was Baton Rouge.So we followed them when we got to Baton Rouge found out that he was 15 and his dad was looking for him.

The year was 1981
We lucked out there was a man going to Lafayette so we rode with him.This is where the story really gets strange.The man dropped us off at Denny,s close to I-10 we were eating and we were invited to stay the night with these guys.Todd was not going home it was 1 am I was tired and my home was 13 miles away so we went.Got drunk don,t remember much after that.Woke up the next morning and went about our merry way.Todd told me that he had sex with one of the guys and asked if I did to I told him I don,t remember.I Thought that was the end of it boy was I wrong.Get back to Maurice got cleaned up and noticed what I thought was a bruise on my right butt cheek.Thought to my self oh well don,t know where that came from.little did I know that that bruise was actually a hickey left by the one that I was sleeping with that night.And that would come back to haunt me years later.


The year is 1980 to 1983
From 18 to 21 I would donate plasma twice a week.Then after I turned 21 the Plasma Lab did test and I was told I could no longer donate.Then I went to a Dentist and he said I should get tested for HIV.For the longest time I did not know what made him suggest that i get tested but I found out that I had Thrush.

The year is 1988
So far next 5 years I didn,t think anymore about then I started going out to the bar for the first time I was 26 at the time.This is were I found out that what happened that night was left there by Don R.He asked me one night at the bar did I recognize him I said that he looked very familiar but could not tell you where from.He pulled me to the side of the bar and asked don,t you remember I left you a hickey on your right cheek.I was floored by this to this day I only remember bits of that night.

The year is mid 1988
But unfortunately after going out for about 3 months I started getting sick when I would drink any drinks.By this time I had made a friend at the bar that was younger than me we became friends and he asked one night why I never went home with any one.I told him that I was to shy to approach anyone so he played cupid after I loaned him 5 dollars and a pack of cigarettes.He asked who I was interested in like he didn,t know who I always check out ever night.So as the night went on he was around me then Mark D walked in and he knew what he had planned.He went to the bar where Mark D was with his girlfriend he went out with on many nights.He asked Mark D to flirt with me and he would buy Mark D a drink but get this Mark D wanted him.Mark D did come over and did flirt with me.

This is also 1988
For the next few months me and Mark D became close.But I was getting really sick finally I went to the Hospital because even coffee was making me sick.The Doctor told me in the exam room that he was sure that I had Hepatitis.(Back story 6 months before I started getting sick the man that I was working for was huge.He always wore short pants and he skin had a yellow ting to it.That summer I was mowing their yard working in the Arcade that was opened a mile from where I was living.One day I was asked if I would reconnect a sewer line under his trailer.Since he was such a big man they had to lower the trailer and I was the only one small enough to get under there.Little did I know till later that he had Hepatitis.By the time I was finished I was covered with sewage.)The out come was 6 months later I had contracted Hep A B and the Doctor asked if I would consent to a test I had never heard of before.Yes by this time still had no clue what was go on in the Gay Community.Two week the longest of my life my family gave me one cup one plate spoon fork knife.When I went back to the Doctors appointment 2 weeks later I had a friend that volunteered and he told me everything I needed to know.So when the doctor came in I knew what he was going to say.Back then it was by two names GRID gay related immune deficiency or HTLV lll don,t ask don,t know.

The year is 12-10-1988
After I found out I cried and thought my life was over.Little did I know at the time that my life was going to be a grand adventure.In December of that year I maned up and went in search of the one thing I wanted and on 12-10-1988 Franks one of the gay bars was having a Christmas Party and Mark D showed up and I ask him to step out side and told him I was not looking for a one night stand that I was looking for a Boyfriend or lover if you prefer even though we had semi dated for a few months and I had would sleep over at his house we still had not had sex.We went back into the bar and enjoyed the party.Then he said are you ready to go and I was in heaven even though I had not told him about the HIV test because they took another test called the western blot and I was waiting to find out the results.A month went by and me and Mark D were happy but I still had not told him.The sex that we were having was I was helping him get off he knew about the Hepatitis and was waiting for the OK from the Doctor because I didn,t want to infect him with it.The day of the test results came and I went to the appointment but knew in the back of my mind that the results were going to be the same.They were of course so when Mark D came home I asked into the bedroom to talk privately since he had a room mate at the time.


We went to the bedroom and told him I had something to tell him about the doctors visit.From the time they told me they said I would have to disclose to nurses doctors and any one that I would be sleeping with.You know out of the three the hardest was when I had to tell Mark D we had been together for about a month and I was afraid of losing him.I told him and he got up and hugged me and I totally lost it.He asked why I was crying and I told him I did not want to loss him.He said to me what did you think I was going to do throw you out like a bag of garbage.He was and is there for me all the time I have needed anything.Then came the time to come out to my family I told them I was moving in with Mark D and that I was Gay.My Grandmothers response stunned me stupid she said she had always known and I asked why didn,t she say something she replied to me that I had to find my own way.She said she had known since I was very young.The only problem about me moving was my Aunt not to sound mean said that if I move and get sick not to come back.Guess what they were both there for me until their deaths.


The year is 02-1991
At the hospital I had friends  that worked in social services and they were the ones who made my appointment at the clinic in New Orleans and as a matter of fact Miss Viva payed for my first round trip bus ticket.So late February of 1991 I had a appointment with HOP clinic in New Orleans.Don,t get me wrong I have been through New Orleans many time in my life.But it was to change the bus at the station only remember leaveing the bus station once was for my Army Pysical and was not supposed to leave the Hotel which a few of the recruits did I was not that brave.At the Greyhound Bus Station at 2:20 am and got to New Orleans at about 4:45 am and my appointment was for 8 am.Did not know where to go but the worker at the bus station was very kind and helpful.I only thing was I was not going to leave that bus station until the Sun was up and I was still scare.Lighting up outside and followed the directions.What took me by surprise was all the people that I had pass by from the bus station all the way to the hospital Good Morning and I mean everyone.Got to the hospital at 7 am was very early.

To my surprise they were kind and caring.On that first visit I met a lot of people the ones that worked there and a lot of patients.There were two volunteer's in the clinic that I became very close to.On my first visit they were there one was a guy name Mark S that had been one of the first to contract the virus.The other was a kind older lady that volunteered there very often because her son was gay and because she was very close to Mark S.She helped Mark S with a lot of things because at the time I did not know that Mark S was in the last stages of Aids.Lets put it this way by the time I left the clinic I was very much at ease.Of course had the whole package done one the first visit.I went back three weeks later and got my first test results like T-Cells which at that time were hovering around 350 and that is the highest I have ever seen for me.Second visit same time bus ride same thing I was not going to leave the station till the sun was up.While I was at the clinic the second time the visit was not as long as the first.They had determined that I was Positive but not much else.While waiting I was told the Quarter was about 5 block from the hospital and of course was to chicken to go.

While I was there the doctor suggested that I make a appointment at the dentist at the hospital and we did.For the next three months I traveled back and forth to the dentist office had all my teeth pulled.At this point in time my weight was 140 pounds.They pulled all my teeth and then said we are sorry we don,t have the money in the budget to make you dentures.I said OK but then I started losing weight.I went down to 128 pound then they found the money somewhere and had me make a few more trips for the fittings of my dentures.Then came a time when Mark S said that I should come the day before stay at his house and he would bring me to the appointment.The first thought in my mind is he trying to pick me up are what.Nothing could be father from the truth.I started staying at his house and he would pick me up at the bus station.He showed me New Orleans.Took me all over and even asked if I would like to go on a fruit loop I had no clue what he was talking about so he said.We get in the car and make a pass by every bar I said I was game.We are riding along and checking out the people and Mark S would stick his head out the window and yell at the cute guys I was blushing.

03-1991 Mardi Gras
On one of my longer trips to New Orleans Mark S wanted to go here and there and show me everything.We had been gone all day and came in around 6 pm on the answer machine was a few messages.The first one said that Mark D my BF was on a greyhound bus due to arrive a 6.15pm I am freaking out.So we call the bus station the bus was running 2 hours behind.Sam C was our roommate at the time so I called him and he said Mark D told him to say that it would be explained when he got there and I will be dam Sam C did not say a word.By the way the reason for the longer trip was to go downtown Mardi Gras Day 1991.We had Mark S over for the Christmas Holidays so he would not be alone.Plus the day after Mardi Gras was a doctors appointment.Well we picked up Mark D from the bus station he had loss his job so he hopped on the bus and was going to join us for Mardi Gras.It was a blast have a few pictures of us three in the Quarter.After that we decided to move to New Orleans and Mark D got a job at a Grocery Store.We three lived together for about 8 months then Mark D got a promotion the only thing was it was back in Lafayette.He took the raise had to move with his parents until he could afford a new apartment I stayed in New Orleans you would be surprised how quickly one can get used to working in the French Quarter.

1991 to 1996
Mark finally had enough money for a apartment and I moved back to Lafayette.I continued to go back and forth to clinic in New Orleans for the next 5 years.But as well as the clinic was I was getting mentally and physically draining.They built a clinic in Lafayette and thought that was the answer to all the trips.Boy was I wrong.The Clinic was Built for infectious diseases the doctors were more interns and ever time you had a appointment you had to go over your entire history when it was right in front of them.But the worse thing they did was moving Children Clinic with us at the same time.It caused such a big stink them moved the Children's Clinic some where else.Little did I know that Mark S was not doing well he finally succumbed to the disease.The 5 years that I knew him was so precious I still miss him.With in that 5 year period loss most of the friend that I made.I would say of all the people that I have talked about 80% have died.So when I decide to go back to New Orleans a few years later there was just one person still at the Clinic.But the service was just as good even with the new staff.

12/1996
Marks parents decided to buy a mobile home because ever 6 months our rent was going up.They found us a trailer 14 by 55 when I first heard this I ask what is it a camper.Mark replied no two bedrooms with a porch I said OK.When we went to see it I was very surprised it was huge and the porch was 12 by 24 with a heavy metal roof.I was very happy with their choice.The only thing I dreaded was moving again.By the 2nd of December we were home.Don,t get me wrong they did not buy and give it to us for the 8 years we were to pay $200.00 a month to his Dad and the lot rent which at the time was $126.00 for 1996 that was not bad.We lived there for 10 years.